Fear and Onions

Let's talk about fear—and onions.

Not because I'm trying to make you cry (though both subjects might), but because understanding this comparison will fundamentally change how you relate to one of the most misunderstood forces in your life.

Fear isn't something you just "get over."

It's not a problem to solve, a weakness to hide, or evidence that you're not ready for what you're about to do. Fear is layered, just like an onion. Every time you peel one layer back, another one shows up. And that's not because you're doing something wrong, it's because fear has a purpose far more sophisticated than most people understand.

The Intelligence Behind the Instinct

Here's what most personal development content won't tell you: fear is part of your instinctual system. It's not optional. It's not a bug in your programming, it's a feature.

Fear triggers fight, flight, freeze, not to sabotage you, but to protect you. These responses evolved over millennia to keep humans alive in genuinely dangerous situations. Your nervous system doesn't distinguish between a saber-toothed tiger and a difficult conversation with your adult daughter. It just knows: "Something feels threatening. Let me activate the protection protocol."

So when you grow... When you stretch... When you step into something new... A new layer of fear gets activated to check: "Are we safe? Are we ready?"

This is where it gets interesting for women over 50.

Why Every Level Brings a New Layer

The layers are endless, because every new level of life brings a new layer of fear.

Think about it: When you learned to drive, you were afraid of merging onto the highway. Once you mastered that, you weren't afraid of merging anymore, but you might have been terrified of driving in snow for the first time. Same skill, new layer of complexity, new activation of the protection system.

The same pattern applies to everything meaningful you attempt:

• Starting a business activates different fears than running one at scale

• Dating after divorce triggers different concerns than being vulnerable in a long-term relationship

• Speaking your truth to one person feels different than doing it publicly

This doesn't mean you're backsliding or that your previous growth didn't count. It means you're expanding into territory your nervous system hasn't mapped yet.

And here's the part that changes everything: the goal isn't to eliminate fear.

From Enemy to Information

Fear is information. A signal. An indicator.

Not an instruction manual, not a stop sign, not evidence that you should turn back, just data about what your system perceives as new or potentially risky.

The problem isn't that fear shows up. The problem is that most of us were taught to interpret fear as a verdict rather than a voice in the conversation. We make fear mean something it doesn't mean:

"If I'm afraid, I shouldn't do it."
"If I'm afraid, I'm not ready."
"If I'm afraid, something's wrong with me."

None of that is true.

Fear can inform you, it doesn't have to imprison you.

When you feel fear rise up, it's simply your system saying: "Hey, we're about to do something outside our current map of safety. Let me make sure you're paying attention." That's useful information. You should pay attention when stepping into new territory. You should be conscious and deliberate rather than reckless.

But fear is a terrible decision-maker.

It doesn't have access to your vision, your values, your accumulated wisdom, or your dreams. It only has access to pattern recognition: "This situation has unfamiliar elements. Be careful."

The Difference Between Informing and Imprisoning

Let fear inform you by asking better questions:

• What specifically am I afraid of in this situation?

• Is this fear warning me about an actual threat or an unfamiliar experience?

• What do I need to know or prepare to move forward safely?

• What does my deeper wisdom say about this choice?

You let yourself be imprisoned by fear when you:

• Stop doing anything that triggers the sensation of fear

• Interpret fear as a character flaw or sign of inadequacy

• Wait for fear to disappear before taking action

• Make fear the loudest voice in your decision-making process

The distinction is crucial: Fear as information helps you move forward with awareness. Fear as instruction keeps you circling the same safe territory forever.

The Onion Keeps Growing

Here's the truth that might frustrate you at first, then liberate you completely: you will never run out of layers.

As long as you're alive and growing, fear will show up to check on new territory. This isn't a design flaw, it's evidence you're expanding. The woman who never feels fear isn't brave; she's stagnant.

But here's what changes: Your relationship with fear matures. You stop being surprised when it appears. You stop interpreting its presence as a problem. You get faster at recognizing which fears deserve deep consideration and which ones are just your system doing its reflexive check-in.

You learn to feel fear and do it anyway, not through gritted teeth, but with the understanding that fear is simply along for the ride, not driving the car.

The layers don't disappear. They just stop controlling you.

That shift from being controlled by fear to being informed by it is where your real power lives. Not in the absence of fear, but in your capacity to feel it fully and choose consciously anyway.

Because you're not trying to become fearless. You're becoming fear-wise.

And that makes all the difference.

About the Author

Dr. Diva Verdun, the Fierce Factor Expert and Architect of Ageless Power™, is the founder of FENOM University and the Age with Power™ movement, where she empowers ambitious women to crush it after 50 and rewrite the rules of aging. Through her signature Core 4 Principles of F.I.R.E.™ — Purpose, Passion, Prosperity, and Power — she guides women to ignite their inner brilliance, embody their authentic power, and expand into a life of bold, liberated expression. On the campus of FENOM University, Dr. Diva leads transformational experiences, legacy brand training, and deep mindset shifts designed to help women rise into their next chapter with unstoppable fire.

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